What do you say in the short term when someone close to you, and those you love dearly, passes away? I’m sure it’s different for everyone, but here is my perspective!
At the time I started writing this, my father in-law died a mere three hours ago, it wasn’t unexpected and the pain is so fresh it is surreal. One of the main reasons I haven’t blogged in a month is our time has been focused on him. Now that he is gone, and everyone in my life is mentally & physically drained to the point of exhaustion, they have gone to bed early tonight. I can’t! It’s time to pour my guts out the best way I know how!
He was 63, lived a hard life in every way imaginable, and only really got to know the people who loved him most during the last 6 months! That may sound strange, but it is a reality that we will struggle with until they day we are gone and is a novel unto itself. In the end, cancers a bitch, and I will spare you the details, but he was suppose to have more time. It was not to be.
I remember asking him a month back if he could share with me if there was anything, any advice, he could pass on to me. His response was, “Don’t make me cry!” So with nothing to share, my greatest connection to him became a promise. That promise being that I would always take care of his daughter and three grand-daughters! On his deathbed, a mere 2.5 hours before he passed, I said to him, “I promise to take care of your daughter and schnookies.” Then I said goodbye and cried! He didn’t squeeze my hand, he didn’t moan, nor did he blink his eyes! However, I feel deep down to the core that he heard me.
So what do I say? Right or wrong here it goes:
1. What a rip off! 63 is too freaking young, and damn it is more than unfair. I am glad he isn’t suffering anymore.
2. I’m a husband, who like most guys wants to becMr. Fix It, and I can’t do a damn thing to make my wife feel better. This is a pain I have not seen In her face before, and frankly it tears me up inside.
3. After telling our 10,8, & 4 year old daughters their Opa had died, I cried. The only consolation here is that, I think, because we have not shielded them from the truth all along, they took the news in stride. They cried, but quickly went back to playing like kids should. When we asked our 4 year old if she understood what died means, her response was, “It means you can’t ever come home or see your friends again!” Wow is an understatement!
4. I do feel a minor sense of a relief that a major burden affecting the entire family has been lifted.
5. Did I say already cancers a bitch?
I had to stop writing and started again 5 days later.
6. He is at peace.
7. Death is a stark reminder to live every day to it’s fullest. It so easy to get lost in the day to day routine.
8. The world keeps turning and life does go on after a loved one dies.
9. Fathers love your daughters!
10. Rest In Peace
One day, hopefully a long time from now, I too will die and hope to have the strength, courage and conviction to pass on with out once complaining. My father in-law left this place as a true gentleman.
Rest in Peace Manfred… Rest in Peace!